Emotions, Choices and Crossroads :)

I always thought I am always right in terms of my emotions, I mean if I don't then who does?
But damn I am finding myself in the awkward position that I ask myself was I right? And if im wrong would I need to look back in regret?
In terms of  regular emotions like happiness and anger etc I guess we can pretty much be sure as you grew up with it, but what about the most complex emotion of all, love? How would I be sure? Have I been living in a shell of denial? I think I was but the possibility scares me to be frank. Like my best bud said to me this is what's like feeling high when I stated that I am not feeling drunk on the first time ever.
It scares me to think I am wrong, but I guess I just turned wiser to think that I can be wrong about what I feel inside myself. Damn freaking system! :P

Memories?? Where are they?

"Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back"


Long time since I wrote something, whenever I see lines of beauty I feel a sense of bitterness with a slight remorseful guilt. lol, I wanted to imply sadness so a slight usage of bitterness guilt and remorse.
I love to write, yet why dont I? I love to read but still its just a miniscule part of my life, do I give my time to my loved one's? Not that too, where's my time??

Unrecorded thoughts comes and goes in my mind, if ever there was a place to store all that ever came to our minds , something much more brilliant than the deceptive memory. We remember things that have happened, things that we want to happen, things we wish could have happened. But can memory ever bring us back the wonderfully weird thoughts, sometimes beautiful sometimes stupid little strands of words that have evoked the philosopher in us, the little moments that triggered those thoughts. The always amazing discussions born out of brew, we talk about movies, we talk about games, about football, about poems,about women,  about thoughts themselves, the enigma that people are,  the bigger enigma that life is, women, relationships, the universe, GOD himself, Art, women. These moments maybe recorded but are the thoughts? The great reel that life is, never gives us that, the past or unrecorded memory is a glimpse of bullet points but can we ever relive those moments? For that we have an absolute answer devoid of any conditional words.


I am not sure if any of the above made any sense and I hate reading through this again to see if it made any sense, coz you wont get that same opputunity in life. So tara!

Procrastination and Apathy

These words are my escape. Al I know is I just want to keep on writing, maybe while writing I would magically stumble upon the magical keywords that opens the magical land of inner peace, lol, let me give a try here...mmm... Skadoosh! lol, that aint working, im still here in front of my laptop... mm I guess there should be a much more funky name for the land of inner peace...right now I cant seem to come up with something...

Well as I said all I wanna do is write here, without caring to see if what im saying makes any sense, im just thinking aloud here without really seeing the sense in it , im pretty sure many of us busters here would have been through the same thing here, times when you feel nothing is going your way and you only have yourself to blame. The days where the stakes of procrastination are really high, but we who have proved that procrastination and apathy are not just words, but a way of life. We ultimately screw up, no matter how good life is now, I know it can go downside any moment, it could happen due to our own fault or it could even happen due to something which we dont have any control over. Life, life , life!

We live on breathing the golden words " next time"... if there wasnt any "this time" there aint gonna be any "next time" too.

Better get some sense into stuff and start doing what you ought to. Because time is waaaaaay faster than Usain bolt! lol dumb stuff.

But like in a poem,

Hush! I can see joy coming hither.. :)

Allthough from an altogether different source... :P

And I repeat, Procrastination and Apathy arent just words, but a way of life for us busters :P

Better get cruise control


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but we are powerful beyond measure"
   - Marianne Williamson

Pusruit of HappYness (purposefull spell glitch)

Life is as they say in the movie, Pursuit of HappYness... and yet people find it so difficult in the quest , but often they do miss the lil things that could give them that feeling.

Well it would appear rich for me to say in midst of my colleagues with their own share of trouble's with all three W's :P , but here we all are one, joined together by one, the elixir that holds the weak and the strong together in the same line.
But here I enjoy, listening to Pink Floyd or Red hot chilly peppers , we enjoy the beats, the jokes, the stupid slumbers, the clean up's.... and the endless call for night outs and ride in through the thick of the night, where to we want to go, still to get stuck in the circle of everyday pursuit, pursuit of happYness, but yet we fail to see its always there within the reach of our hand, lol, anyway after a hectic week, Im enjoyin this moment, this moment of liberation I could say, yet to find myself stuck, I thank, Akhil (my partner in crime) , Edwin , Amal, Sujith, Randeep, Suraj in the Ghost House

Just finding the magicin every moment that we live on, magic that eludes us in the trickery of life, its always there , but hard to find always. Just a simple smile or a stupid joke would always bring it up high :p

Anyway listening to Pink Floyd.... Wish you were here... guess thats the line to end with, here we go... endless in our pursuit... :D

The habitless habit

Here I am , Staring into the dawn, another one of those sleepless nights for this dreaming insomniac.

A doorbell at 1:00. and lol, it aint ghosts. (Sorry to disappoint).
Two stray souls who walked all the way from Kaloor to kakkanad covering I guess could be like 10 km. Not because they dint get the bus or they were out of cash, guess its just a remembrance for the primitive past, a homage perhaps. Let's give around of applause for Sudheer Menon and Arun Devis for doing this amazing feat, or in my words, quiet fruitless and unnecessary exercise. Hehe..

Then the usual philo stuff, and there was this particular topics about people who always follow a definite pattern in life, the things they do, the time they wake up, the time they sleep, clockwork. Any change in the pattern would make them all restless and stuff.

But when looked upon our life, Arun gave me this thought that the only habit in our life we had is that its habitless.
The habitless habits... I just thought I will rant about this. But what about this, I dont know. Again I guess this can be equated to the mystery prime numbers are (ah not again right) .

I mean what should be the prior focus here...

Should it be the insomniac me and my habit less habits. I mean even that's some kind of habits right? Or should it be the tireless walkers paying tribute to our stone age ancestors?
should it be the patterned people, leading a mechanical life with patterns, in this patternless life?
or maybe I don't want to focus on anything, I just wanted to put this memory here in blogger.

I could end like a Martin Scorsese style asking "Which would be worse - to live as a monster, or to die as a good man? ".

The answer to these questions would not help us in anyway, because life can be lived in parallel,
we may travel in different lanes of life , yet we could all be in the same sphere of life. I guess that's the beauty of it.

So coming back to the header, I guess patterned or habit less life, doesn't really makes much difference. Because we all are traveling the parallel lanes of the same big wide road life is, it takes us more or less the same kind of places,
I mean unless you take opposite or more like diverging lanes...

I guess its not just with habits, but with life itself, most of the paths we take take us to the same kind of places, like happiness and peace.(again unless u take opposite ways)

I don't know if its like that, I have no way to know, but if it aint like that, I could just pray let it be like that, let everyone of us find bliss in his or her own way....

Goodnight and god bless...

The prime numbered life...

Life, the mystery of mysteries.
I always thought life can be described in umpteen number of ways...
Life is crazy,
Life is simple,
Life is tough,
Life is a roller coaster,
Also you would have heard the popular rant, Life is a bitch... lol,

but here goes a paragraph from the book.. "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon.". - The book is about a kid with autism goes in search of the murderer of the Dog that died in the neighborhood, his mannerisms and the way he see's things...

This excerpt is something that WOW ed me. one of the best writings that simplifies the explanation of LIFE. And I guess this is as good as it gets, i.e explaining how some things cant be explained. I don't think there would be a better way to do this...
Here goes...
"
"Chapters in books are usually given the cardinal numbers 1,2,3,4,5,6 and so on But I have decided to give my chapters prime numbers 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13 and so on because I like prime numbers.

This is how you work out what prime numbers are. First you write down all the positive whole number in the world. Then take away all the numbers that are multiple of 2. Then you take away all the number that are multiples of 3. Then you take away all the that are multiples of 4 and 5 and 6 and 7 and so on. The numbers that are left are the prime numbers.


The rule for working out prime numbers is really simple, but no one has ever worked out a simple formula for telling you whether a very big number is a prime number or what the next one will be. If a number is really, really big, it can take a computer years to work out whether it is a prime number.


Prime numbers are useful for writing codes and in America they are classed as Military Material and if you find one over 100 digits long you have to tell the CIA and they buy it off you for $10, 000. But it would not be a very good way of making a living.

Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken all the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them."

Curtain falls....
My Rants

Clap Clap Mr Haddon!

and no matter what happens, we all are and always will be these pattern less prime numbers living on trying hard to make out the patterns that doesn't exist...